And you want to travel with him/and you want to travel blind/And you think maybe you'll trust him

Damn Leonard Cohen's music is so beautiful. Suzanne is one of my favorite songs these days.
Suzanne takes you down to her place near the river
You can hear the boats go by
You can spend the night beside her
And you know that she's half crazy
But that's why you want to be there
And she feeds you tea and oranges
That come all the way from China
And just when you mean to tell her
That you have no love to give her
Then she gets you on her wavelength
And she lets the river answer
That you've always been her lover
And you want to travel with her
And you want to travel blind
And you know that she will trust you
For you've touched her perfect body with your mind.
And Jesus was a sailor
When he walked upon the water
And he spent a long time watching
From his lonely wooden tower
And when he knew for certain
Only drowning men could see him
He said "All men will be sailors then
Until the sea shall free them"
But he himself was broken
Long before the sky would open
Forsaken, almost human
He sank beneath your wisdom like a stone
And you want to travel with him
And you want to travel blind
And you think maybe you'll trust him
For he's touched your perfect body with his mind.

Now Suzanne takes your hand
And she leads you to the river
She is wearing rags and feathers
From Salvation Army counters
And the sun pours down like honey
On our lady of the harbour
And she shows you where to look
Among the garbage and the flowers
There are heroes in the seaweed
There are children in the morning
They are leaning out for love
And they will lean that way forever
While Suzanne holds the mirror
And you want to travel with her
And you want to travel blind
And you know that you can trust her
For she's touched your perfect body with her mind.


Classes are classes. My mom still owes me $1000 so I still haven't paid for this semester. I am supposedly going to get it from her a day before it will be 90 days late and 33.3% interest will be applied with the total sent to collections, preventing me from signing up again.

But honestly school is making me miserable. Japanese class is a bore. Arabic class is not enough. Psych - I'm barely even paying attention to that class. I hope hope hope next semester is more engaging. I'm finding myself with too much free time and getting sick of studying; I'm finding I can count on one hand the number of people I know whom I can talk to without getting sick. Maybe I'll get drunk with John and see a movie tonight. I wonder if he works tonight. I'll find out. We could get a bit puzzled and go see Doom.

Had a really unbelievable scene with my mother. That whole thing needs to exit my life pronto. She is not in any mood to get any better, and who can blame her? What has she to look forward to? But I had to make a point and I did something stark and terrifying in retrospect and swore a grim oath that I would hate to follow; an oath that would likely end my life.

ENTERTAIN ME, WORLD
GOD PLEASE ENTERTAIN ME


I need to get the Spring 06 catalog and plan my schedule. I won't be able to register my classes until late November though. Cutting it too close. I'm sure I won't get any time frames I want.

I really shouldn't be doing this. I should just go back to teaching myself languages and get another full-time job during the week and just save up so much money and get out of here. Just run. I'm so restless and anxious and a lot of things here aren't making it better. I hate that I've been here 10 years. It makes me ill. I should go to Japan and Morocco and China and Iraq and whereever else whim leads me. But the money would run out. The money would run out and I don't want to die when it does. That's the only way I can justify this school business. Maybe if I have a degree, when my money runs out I can hook up with a company. Certainly by the time I finish school I'll be qualified enough to work with the CIA or someone. But then I remember all too well what the CIA did to my mother when she worked with them. (Long story.)

I don't know what to do. The fact that I go from wanting to do everything one day to wanting to die the next day to wanting to do nothing at all ever again the next day and then repeat doesn't help.

These language courses are so stupid. There's a girl in my class who's taken French for like 4 years and she's terrible. And these classes are all designed for that person. Maybe I need to get out of this school.